There's no 'ok' in 'mean'.

Why do people hurt people?

We've all had our fair share of mean people in our lives. So i'm sure every single one of us can relate to this post.

I for one, am sick and tired of people telling me to get over it, grow up and move on. Sure, it's the easy way out - to get over it and move on. We constantly hurt ourselves trying to perfect ourselves. But for whom? For people that do not appreciate our true self, the one beneath the facade.

Do you not realize how you can break a person's spirit with a mere word? How the person will no longer be able to gaze at their reflection in the mirror without thinking that they are less than enough? No one is less than enough. People speak a lot of shit. Way too much shit.

I was a loner in primary school. My only friend was Wan Qing because everyone else outcast-ed me. Because i was less of a pretty/ rich/ smart/ funny. I was constantly picked on in school. People would leave messages on my desk saying i was a 'peasant' or 'ugly' and what not. We were children. My classmates often stole from me and i knew not how to stand up for myself. Puberty struck me early and it made me less than perfect. I was breaking out so much, my face was wow. Just wow. All the more reason to hate on me, huh?

I was part of track team in secondary school. And my skin just got from bad to worst. I had seniors shouting 'HEY PREFECT! WHY YOUR SKIN SO DIRTY ONE?!' My classmates would also laugh at me saying my skin wasn't smooth.

That was when i started to change myself just so that people would start to think that i'm pretty and maybe, just maybe, like me. I scrubbed my face so hard, so many times, every single day. I wore contact lenses and cut my hair. I first cut my hair into a bob but soon after shaved both sides of my head to look like a butch. People liked me better as a butch. I was happier as a butch. But then came prom night. That was the first time i wore makeup out. And my crush said that i looked so pretty for the first time ever and meant it. I asked why and he said 'Oh, i think it's because of the makeup.'

Hell, i was overjoyed because he said that i was pretty and meant it. It was then that i started to rely on make up so much, it's unhealthy.

Ever since i stepped into Polytechnic, i've been using make up every single day of my life if i were to step out of my place. If i didn't, i would feel so ugly and i CANNOT look people in the eye when they talk to me because i'm so afraid that they would look at all my imperfections and judge me. I rely on makeup so much my face is just made up lol. Every night when i get home, i take off my make up, my contact lenses and put on my glasses. Then i stare at my reflection and my stomach churns at what i see. Because i am less than perfect.

At this point in time you might be thinking, 'Why is this bimbo posting all these. I bet she's just out to seek pity and fish for compliments.' If you are, i'm sorry. I'm not. I want people to realize how it's not alright to call someone less than pretty, fat, ugly, or whatever mean names you can think of. It is just not alright.

Who gave you the right to call someone less than perfect? Honey, you may look so perfect but hold up for a second and think. Who gave you such great features? Your parents right? Alright now think. If your child came out and looked 'less than perfect' in other people's eyes, who's to blame? His/her parents? AKA you? Nah that doesn't seem right. You're perfect, right? Do you get what i'm saying now?

People throw the words 'ugly', 'fat', 'thick', 'slut', 'nerd', and so so so many other horrible names around so easily. My mother taught me never to call someone names because it isn't a nice thing to do. and I can proudly say that I've never, in my entire life called someone names. If you're reading this and you beg to differ because I've called you names before, I apologize. I've never found i funny for anyone to call another person name even if they were joking. You can see the hurt in the other person's face even if they laugh it off. It's not funny. Not funny at all.

Too many of us have turned to self harm because of all these name calling and perception of 'true beauty'. Many of us can say things like 'You don't have to wear make up to look pretty. You don't have to be thin to be perfect.' but these people are the very ones calling people names.

Please stop calling people names. We were not made to be perfect. There isn't perfect in this world goddamn it there isn't. STOP. Just stop looking for perfection in other people when you don't even know what perfection is. Stop calling people names. Because when your child sees you calling someone names, they'd learn from you. And you'll just give rise to another generation of suicidal teens. I'm sure none of you were brought up to hate on people. All of us were taught to love, to be nice to each other. So where did we screw up? If you know for a fact that you've been calling people names, it's not too late to stop. The next time you're about to call someone ugly, be it a joke or not, stop. Think before you speak. Should it slip your tongue, it's not too late to apologize. Apologize and mean it. Mean your apology.

We pray for a better tomorrow, for a better generation. It's time to work alongside prayer. Change starts with us. As an individual, then a community.

'Just a routine test.'

So i just completed the first week of my 5th attachment with the school. Prior to attachment, I was looking forward to all the thrilling cases i was to take charge of. I had hoped that i would learn first hand the various diseases and perioperative care we have to carry out. However, what i learnt was far, far from what we could learn in any textbook.

We often tell ourselves or our patients, for that matter, that it's gonna be 'just a normal test, there's no need to be worried.' However, these test results could determine a person's life or death. The test has no direct correlation with whether a person lives or die. However, it can kill a person's spirit and zeal to live.

When we attend a funeral, we hear people ask about what had happened and what had led to the decline. They would then reply with 'Oh, he/she had so and so and stayed in the hospital for ___ period. He/she passed on soon after.' However as a healthcare professional, you deal with the hospital period. You see first hand what this person had been like prior to the funeral. I, for one did not have the privilege to live with my grandparents and know what it's like to lose a kin so close to oneself. I attended funerals, though. All i ever see are bodies lying there in perfect rest. I've never been the one to weep at the bedside of a dying person. So I don't know what it's like.

This time round though, I've had patients ask me in private how long their lives could be prolonged, should they undergo certain procedures. These moments that make me realize how one decision can affect that person and his/her family.

I'm sorry that i cannot be anymore specific and i know that my train of thoughts are kinda all over the place but please understand that i have a strict protocol to follow and that is the privacy policy. I hope whoever is reading this will understand the message i am trying to put through to you. Live your life to the uttermost. Treasure the time you have with people around you. Make friends, make enemies. It's alright, as long as you keep fighting for yourself, for the ones and things you love.

Don't ever give up.

Pretty hazy, huh?

It's the 23rd of June, 2013. We were hit by the haze from Indonesia for the past week or so. It's been really bad, i must admit. PSI levels rose to all time highs like 401, if i remember correctly. It was horrible because we had to stay indoors at home, keep our windows shut and use the air conditioner 24/7. Birds and cats were seen lying dead on the streets because their tiny lungs could not handle the haze. People were collapsing on the streets as well. As the teens of today, we found ourselves taking our resentments online and bashed the government for not doing their best with regards to this matter. We tweeted a lot. Every single hour, every single minute, we were on twitter. We complained about how bad the situation was and that we couldn't breathe or go out to hang out with our friends, etc etc. However, i went out on Thursday to meet with my Primary School classmate, Xu Wei. We headed to town to catch a movie and whilst we were out, we saw so many teenagers hanging around in the streets without a mask! It's ridiculous, i must say. We pride ourselves to be a nation full of 'Complain Kings & Queens' and i guess this time round it really was evident how 'complainy' we are. You obviously knew what the situation was and yet you blatantly ignore the fact that you have to have a mask on. What are you putting on the line, really. Your life. Not your fashion sense.

Today, the PSI went down and we were all happy. Everyone started to come out of their houses and posted pictures of the somewhat clear, blue sky. I too, took the chance to step out of the house with my family. What disappointed me however, was that people thought just because the PSI went down, everything was alright again. It is far, far from the truth because yes, the PSI came down but what about the PM 2.5? The last i checked, the PM 2.5 was still in the 250+ range. That means that it is still in the very unhealthy range. But the PM 2.5 is not as widely reported as the PSI so people automatically assume that oh, everything is alright once again. I saw so many young couples out with their toddler/babies without a mask on. Young and old alike, 90 percent of the people i saw were without masks. Perhaps it's because our country have faced zero natural disasters before and that is why we know not how to protect ourselves. Even so, i guess i'd hoped that mothers should know better how they can and should protect their children. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there, ya?

Stay safe, Singapore. Drink up and please buy just the right amount of N95s. Please do not hog, i beg of you. Use the right size and use it properly, lest it be ineffective. Those with respiratory and cardiac issues, be sure to watch yourself extra carefully, alright?

Take care.

xx

A

Hi! This would be my very first post on www.graciesepet.blogspot.com! I ran another blog a few years back. I've since locked the blog down and have yet to post anything on it. I don't intend to, anyway.

Since this is my first post, i guess it'll be right that i do an introduction about myself, ya?

So.. My name is Neo Ming En Grace, i'm 18 this year and am currently studying in Ngee Ann Polytechnic under the Health Science cluster as a Nurse. I'll graduate as a Registered Nurse (RN) in 2015. I'm a Chinese girl born in the wonderful Lion City, Singapore. I live with my parents and siblings. My brother, Christopher is 20 this year and recently graduated from DMIT in Singapore Polytechnic. He's currently waiting to serve his National Service on the 8th of November (Just 20 days before my 18th birthday!). My sister, Dawn is 26 this year and is currently working with a company as a Quantity Surveyor. She studied Project Management is NUS but.. I don't know what happened and she became a Quantity Surveyor in a really good internationally recognized company.

I have two very lovely cats named Ponpon and Kleinklein (please don't laugh) as well as a terrapin. My cats turn 1 in August. We're not quite sure when they were born because well, my brother's friend, Alex, found them abandoned at the void deck of his house (I assume). They were passed from house to house because people didn't really want to keep them..? No wait let me rephrase that. Their parents didn't allow them to keep these cuties. So one fine day, my brother brought them back! They were about 2/3 weeks old, then. So you can expect that they were mewing a lot, had trouble pooping by themselves and had to be fed by the bottle. It's been quite a journey since then and i'm glad we have these two wonderful companions. About my terrapin. I don't really know what her name is? We got her when i was 6, so she's been with us for 12 years already! She's my brother's terrapin so i think he named her 'Fastie' back when we were kids? But then as we grew older we forgot what we named her so now we just call her 'Super Guai'. Why Super Guai? Because she is super guai (Super Obedient).

I guess people really like to ask 'Oh, so what kinda music do you listen to?' I haven't got an answer for that because i listen to everything, really. I honestly am unable to feel the music of recent years so i don't particularly favor the genres of today? I do, however find myself listening to a lot of Bring Me The Horizon, Papa Roach, Avenged Sevenfold and Electro house.

I know not how else i should introduce myself so this is my first post, my 'A'.

xx